Murderous Children

Matt had a note-worthy experience in his Literature class yesterday. His professor had them read a troubling poem called Rite of Passage about a group of young boys playing.  It's a pernicious piece about a group of half pints at a birthday party. In the poem, a 7 year old sizes up a 6 year old and says, "I could beat you up." After that the two look at a group of smaller children. "We could easily kill a two year old," they agree one with another.

After reading the poem their short, balding professor with a gold wrist watch that's most likely fake, spoke up. "You know, this poem frankly disturbs me. I'm wondering what you all think."

Matt wasn't at all surprised when Miss Sunshine know it all, who gives an opinion for everything even when an opinion was not asked for, was first to raise her hand. "Actually, I think that kind of behavior is pretty normal for children," she began in her normal superior voice. "I can remember when I was 3 or so, holding a kitten and thinking to myself, 'I can kill this kitten if I want.'"

There were a few audible gasps, and one quickly stifled laugh from the other classmates. Matt turned around and stared at her in disbelief. She simply flipped her ponytail off her shoulder, acting as if she hadn't said anything displeasing. The professor didn't quite know how to respond so he replied with "Oh...I see... Um, anyone else?"

A second guy in a Boston Red Sox baseball cap rose his hand. "Ya I can totally remember sizing up other boys when I was younger and wondering if I could kill them..."

People!! What is wrong with all of you??!! Matt doesn't recall ever having lethal thoughts as a young tike! Perhaps this is why he doesn't own any children... He just thought it was cause they are expensive and smelly. Really, it's cause they're dangerous!

But then again, he never was very normal. He was probably the clueless little 6-year-old cherub who wandered around singing in made up languages, clutching both a My Little Pony and a Ninja Turtle while the other boys plotted on how they could best kill him.

And good thing he didn't own a kitten. The vixen little girls would have been after his blood too!

Matt will never view children the same, ever again.