Matt simply loves his hair-stylist. A chique man who dresses flashy everyday as if he were heading to the club with Madonna, he never fails to entertain Matt.
As he stepped into the shop this evening, he found his hairdresser touching up his lofty tall hair in the mirror. "Hello Matt, how are you?!" the hairdresser exclaimed as he turned to face him. "What do you think of my new hair cut?"
"Wow, it's uh, really big." Matt responded politely.
"The higher the hair, the closer to Heaven dear," said his hairdresser as he patted the swivel chair for Matt.
Minutes later, as Matt's head was being jerked around and as his hair was littering the floor, his stylist (we'll call him Alejandro) casually asked him what he was going to be for Halloween. "Well, I was actually thinking of going as a zombie version of Shakespeare." The snips of the scissors immediately stopped.
Matt looked in the mirror to see a look of revulsion on Alejandro's face. His stylist then swore loudly, causing patrons to look up from their magazines.
"Oh Honey! No no no no no!" exclaimed Alejandro with hands on hips. "You CANNOT go dressed up like that!"
"Haha, um, why not?" Matt asked.
"Because," Alejandro emphasized with his scissors, "everyone will immediately know you're a geek! And granted, you ARE a geek, let's just be honest, but you fool most people cause you're cute and dress well. Now if you go as Zombie Shakespeare though, you're soooo blowing your cover sweet heart. No-one will ever wanna date you!"
Matt was in stitches laughing at Alejandro's brutal honesty. "Honestly Matt, sometimes the things you say absolutely astound me!" his hairdresser said as he began clipping away again.
Once Matt regained his composure, Alejandro spoke up. "So why we're on the topic of me bashing you, let me just say that those hideous black glasses you wore today have GOT TO GO." He then pointed to Matt's spectacles lying on the counter.
"Aww, Alejandro, what's wrong with my glasses?"
"Honey, it's called contact lenses. Show off those beautiful eyes of yours. Trust me, they're great."
"Some days I hate wearing contacts though, glasses are easier," said Matt as he ran his fingers through his hair.
"Stop playing with your hair, I'm not done," reprimanded Alejandro as he lightly slapped his wrist. Matt promptly withdrew his hand before the scissors intervened next. "Now, I don't ever want to see those glasses again. End of discussion."
"Fine," Matt sighed. "so what are you going to be for Halloween mister bossy pants?"
"Oh I'm thinking of being either a hot Scottie with a kilt, I'd be shirtless of course," responded his hairdresser brightly, "or else a merman. Again shirtless."
"Oh wow... Those are, uh, definitely sexy Alejandro."
"I know right? Much better than a grotesque Zombie Shakespeare costume anyways." said his hairdresser as he rolled his eyes.
Several minutes later, after Matt finished paying and was giving a short wave at the door, Alejandro yelled out- "It was good to see you! Don't wait so long for a hair-cut next time, you were lookin a bit scraggly! And remember honey, NO ZOMBIE SHAKESPEARE!"
Looks like Matt will need to find a new costume...
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Sunday, October 7, 2012
How to Become Emo
Matt has always been fascinated with emos. The girl who layers on thick black lipstick, for example, and hides behind a curtain of hair pretending that she doesn't care what people think, or the guy with the lip studs who listens to Panic! At the Disco and acts like life is a constant tragedy. Yes, these Emotionals capture Matt's imagination. Although he is much too fashion conscious to don the emo look himself, he decided as a clueless and curious man that he wanted to find out just what it takes to become a true, emotionally unstable person. The topic is totally google-able. He learned quite a lot.
First step is the hairdo. It's very important for girls to have long hair with layers and a few colored streaks. A blonde stripe has been popular in the past, but recently neon green and pink are quite in. Also a girl must have long razor cut bangs that preferably cover one eye. For guys, it's short and choppy hair styles. When applying gel, rub it through the back of the hair ratting upward to create a bit of a lift if desired.
Next step is the makeup. Black mascara and eyeliner are necessary for both guys and girls. This is non-negotiable.
Then come the skinny jeans. Black is definitely timeless, however one can wear different colors as well. Surprisingly, pastel colors are completely acceptable now-days. Along with the jeans are the band tee-shirt. This must be tight as well, and it's suggested that one wear their tee-shirt one size smaller than what they'd normally wear. If it's chilly out, a tight zip up sweater (plain in color) or a hoodie of the individual's favorite band is acceptable.
Studded belts are common and give a bit of a menacing edge to the person. This is especially helpful for the newly emo person. It gives them a bit of a confidence boost; makes them feel like tough shiz.
Black low top, Converse Chuck Taylor shoes are pretty much the only shoe recognized by most emos. Some off-shoot individuals wear Vans or other skate brands. A true emo wears Converse though. One can add pink shoelaces to spice the footwear up a bit, and it is essential that the shoes look dirty or old. It's recommended that one run through the dirt for a while with new shoes to scuff them up a bit.
Backpacks and accessories can be fun additions. A plaid backpack with grissly buttons and pins picturing skulls, zombies or decapitated Care Bears is perfect for any student. Purses with studs and spikes are also great. Really just anything dangerous looking will do as an accessory.
Music is a huge factor in the emo world. My Chemical Romance and Paramore are some examples of qualified Emo bands. Pretty much any band though, that sings about tragic childhoods and neglectful fathers will do.
It is NOT recommended that emos cut themselves to have cool looking scars. Rather they should just adopt an 'I don't give a ****!' attitude of not caring. And when people ask them a question they can't answer, they should tell the person to eat poison. Also, an occasional flipping of the bird helps one to keep in character.
And last but not least, it is important that an emo doesn't think of themselves as 'punk.' Rather, they should classify themselves as an innovative person in tune with their feelings and inner self.
Matt had no clue that there was so much to being an emo! He was simply enamored by all he learned. And with Halloween just around the corner, he now has a pretty good idea of what he will go as... ;-)
First step is the hairdo. It's very important for girls to have long hair with layers and a few colored streaks. A blonde stripe has been popular in the past, but recently neon green and pink are quite in. Also a girl must have long razor cut bangs that preferably cover one eye. For guys, it's short and choppy hair styles. When applying gel, rub it through the back of the hair ratting upward to create a bit of a lift if desired.
Next step is the makeup. Black mascara and eyeliner are necessary for both guys and girls. This is non-negotiable.
Then come the skinny jeans. Black is definitely timeless, however one can wear different colors as well. Surprisingly, pastel colors are completely acceptable now-days. Along with the jeans are the band tee-shirt. This must be tight as well, and it's suggested that one wear their tee-shirt one size smaller than what they'd normally wear. If it's chilly out, a tight zip up sweater (plain in color) or a hoodie of the individual's favorite band is acceptable.
Studded belts are common and give a bit of a menacing edge to the person. This is especially helpful for the newly emo person. It gives them a bit of a confidence boost; makes them feel like tough shiz.
Black low top, Converse Chuck Taylor shoes are pretty much the only shoe recognized by most emos. Some off-shoot individuals wear Vans or other skate brands. A true emo wears Converse though. One can add pink shoelaces to spice the footwear up a bit, and it is essential that the shoes look dirty or old. It's recommended that one run through the dirt for a while with new shoes to scuff them up a bit.
Backpacks and accessories can be fun additions. A plaid backpack with grissly buttons and pins picturing skulls, zombies or decapitated Care Bears is perfect for any student. Purses with studs and spikes are also great. Really just anything dangerous looking will do as an accessory.
Music is a huge factor in the emo world. My Chemical Romance and Paramore are some examples of qualified Emo bands. Pretty much any band though, that sings about tragic childhoods and neglectful fathers will do.
It is NOT recommended that emos cut themselves to have cool looking scars. Rather they should just adopt an 'I don't give a ****!' attitude of not caring. And when people ask them a question they can't answer, they should tell the person to eat poison. Also, an occasional flipping of the bird helps one to keep in character.
And last but not least, it is important that an emo doesn't think of themselves as 'punk.' Rather, they should classify themselves as an innovative person in tune with their feelings and inner self.
Matt had no clue that there was so much to being an emo! He was simply enamored by all he learned. And with Halloween just around the corner, he now has a pretty good idea of what he will go as... ;-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)