A Unicycle Story That Should Have Never Happened

     Matt spent a lovely evening in the ER. This is how it happened~

     After spending a long 9 hour shift at work, he was feeling utterly exhausted. "Why me?" he moaned, with a hand to his forehead, "That I alone must be responsible for the welfare of Salt Lake's citizen's home appliances is just monstrous!" Shlumping into his car like a decrepit old man, Matt started his car and pulled out of the parking lot. He felt a bit more rejuvenated once he had Beyonce blasting through his Car. He was also feeling kind of secretly excited to be spending time with his dear friends, Courtney and Paul Stout.

     He had convinced them that they were going to watch Disney's 'The Rescuers' that night. This was non-negotiable. The other night he even got them to watch 'The Secret of Nimh,' cause he's cool like that, and he's been on this mouse-protagonist, movie kick lately. Anyways, getting back to the story, as he pulled up into their driveway, Matt noticed that Paul was zippin around on a pink unicycle.

     "Matt, you gotta try this!" he exclaimed in between awkward circles on his driveway, as Matt crawled out of his car. Courtney was in the background looking apprehensive, as she didn't quite approve of Paul's new toy. (Turns out it was a neighbor child's, and Paul was simply 'borrowing' it, since the child left it sitting on their lawn.) Feeling that this might be quite adventurous, Matt decided to take a try. "Be careful!" Courtney warned as he picked up the unicycle.

     As he grasped the seat for the first time, a sudden warmth raced through his hands, all the way through to his fingertips, kind of like an electric shock. It was like he was meant to do this. He just knew he would be a natural. This was going to be like the first time Harry Potter rode a broomstick, only it was Matt on a flamingo pink unicycle! Feeling excited, Matt had Paul help him mount his new ride.

     He had barely found his balance and began pedaling down the driveway, laughing with Paul at his side, when he realized he had no control and didn't know how to turn. Panicking, he continued in a straight line. Now why he didn't simply dismount or at least try to crash into the grass, he is not sure. Matt never does well in panicky situations though.

     Instead he crossed the street, and promptly rode straight down a cement stairwell leading to the neighbor's basement. Matt is pretty sure the whole southern half of Salt Lake heard his nerdy screams as he blundered his way down the steep stairs, crashing very ungracefully on the bottom. It was when he opened his eyes and saw the weird angle his leg was lying in amid the heap of rubble and a now bent unicycle, that he lost it completely. He fainted on the spot. Probably the first time in his life he has ever done so...

     The paramedics soon arrived, and once they had him calmed him down (Are you sure they can fix that?! I mean, my leg should NOT look like that,' he kept sputtering)  and onto the stretcher he was feeling a little better. The journey onto the stretcher was pretty painful though, Matt won't lie. At least the ambulance ride was rather exciting. He felt like royalty as they drove really fast through the city, and the paramedics even gave him a tasty watermelon, red sucker from a cool little jar that they keep especially for small kids.

     And now as he writes the woeful tale 4 hours later, propped up in bed sporting a new cast, having broken his tibia and spraining 2 muscles, all he can say is "What a blunder!" Turns out he isn't so Harry Potter-like with the unicycle after all...