The Toddler Years

Matt was dusting appliances at work today, when a haggard looking young couple came in to look at fridges and stoves. They were dragging a toddler. He was a cute kid, until the moment he tried to run off, screaming and howling at the top of his lungs. That was the moment he became an obnoxious little child who the couple happened to own, Matt thought to himself as he watched the boy run to the electronics dept, dad chasing after him, for the umpteenth time. After they left with the terror in tow, Matt recalled his own years as a toddler...

He has quite a good memory of his early years. In fact, he was such a witty and utterly charming child. He had a healthy level of curiosity. More so than most children at that age. For instance, he recalls always playing in the house plants. They were fascinating to him, and he has always loved the color green. It was like being in an exotic jungle. He can't remember how soil and bits of leaves kept ending up spread around the carpet afterwards, but that's hardly besides the point.

Also was his fascination with the large spinning cupboard they had in the kitchen called 'The Lazy Susan.' He would pull everything out of the cupboard, leaving it on the floor, then crawl inside and spin around in circles.  One would think Matt would be a great chef after all the hours spent inside that cupboard. Oddly enough, he is not.

There was also the joy he felt in dumping out the contents of his mom's entire purse and also her cup of earrings out onto the ground every chance he got. For some reason it really tickled him to do this. It was like finding buried treasure to him. He doesn't ever recall his mother ever being in the least bit annoyed whenever he would do this.

And then there was the fascination with toilet paper. Matt recalls flushing countless rolls down the toilet. He was simply curious to watch a gurgling toilet in action. How is that harmful? So there was a clogged drain, and an overflow once or twice. Hardly bad at all.

He really should of taken up art as well. There was the time he dropped the can of paint onto the toilet seat, cracking the porcelain in half (a common accident to make, no biggie) while the can popped open on the ground spilling colorful paint everywhere. Matt had a grand time painting the walls. Such a delightful child! Cute little hand-prints everywhere.

Even though he is dismal at art and cooking, Matt at least learned from a young age how to do laundry. Once as a toddler, he spilled liquid laundry detergent all over the cement floor in the laundry room. It was a simple goof really. Honestly, he was just trying to keep up with the piles of dirty clothes. The fact that the cement floor bubbled for months afterwards whenever his mother tried to scrub the floor, hardly matters, really.

What a relief to know that Matt was no where nearly as obnoxious as the little boy this morning!  ;-)