Super Glue

Matt used to enjoy putting Elmer's glue on his hands as a young child. He and one of his little friends would pour lavish amounts of the white stuff all over their palms, rub it in like lotion, then clap each other's hands and give one another sticky high fives. When the glue would dry, it was fun to peel. It was like pulling an extra layer of skin off, and they would pretend they were wizened and wrinkled old people whose skin was falling apart. Kinda fun. The same thing works with rubber cement. Matt found out not 2 hours ago, however, that this is not a good activity to try with super glue.

There is a reason it's called super glue. It's particularly super at sticking. Go figure! As he carefully tried to superglue the hood ornament back onto the front of his Toyota Camry (he slammed the hood down, causing it to pop out), the bottle suddenly gurgled out more glue than he could handle. He panicked as the glue trickled down 3 of his fingers. Dropping the ornament on the cement, he frantically tried to wipe the glue off on the nearby grass, but to no avail.

Feeling as angry as a fat woman whose Twinkies are stolen by a colony of hungry midgets, he attempted to finish the project. As he picked up the hood ornament with his unglued fingers, he coincidentally brushed a finger against an area still wet with glue. Grunting in frustration at now having 4 glued fingers, Matt applied more glue to the back of the ornament and shoved it back into place against the car. He held it for 20 seconds then let go. Only he couldn't let go. His thumb and 2 fingers he had used to hold the ornament were now somehow glued to the metal piece. He pulled as gently as he could, but merely pulled the ornament out, which was now dangling from his fingers.

At this point, Matt cursed Satan and pigeons and all things foul and nearly started to cry. Instead, he laughed. Giving up on the project he went inside with an empty super glue bottle. He now had no feeling in the tips of 7 fingers, and needed to figure out how to solve this sticky dilemma! He only wished his little friend were with him. He would convince her that it would be fun to pour super glue on her fingers...

©Matt Jaggi, February 2012